Depression and Anxiety

“Look, I’ve given you two choices today: you can have life with all the good things it brings, or death and all the bad things it brings.”  Deuteronomy 30:15

            I have battled depression and anxiety for over thirty years.  I have taken anti-depressants and gone to counseling.  I have battled to live and prayed that I would die.  I have struggled at times with thoughts of ending it all. 

            Thursday night, the children at our church were learning about the Crucifixion.  We were using the Jesus Storybook Bible and the story tells how God poured all our sickness and sadness into Jesus.  On the cross, Jesus bore my depression and He defeated it.  As I walked home from church, I prayed.  I told God I was tired of faking it until I made it.  In the short distance to my house, God let me know that I did not have to face the scary depression and anxiety alone. 

            Friday morning I was reading The Daily Guideposts and the devotional was written by Rhoda Blecker.  The verse above offers two choices--life with the good or death with the bad.  As I read the verse, I decided to choose life. 

            Father God, when things of life-depression and discouragement seem so overwhelming, remind me that I have two choices-Life or death and that I need to choose life.  Amen.

Three Weeks to Launch

    In three short weeks we will launch our seventh year of Sarah's Butterflies.  Seven launch dates to celebrate what would be Sarah's 7th birthday.  For seven years, Sarah has been a resident of the streets of gold.
     I choose to trust God and to lay down the burdens of grief and embrace the ministry of Sarah's Butterflies.  Why?  I do that because if I had Sarah, I would be concentrating on planning her seventh birthday.  Launch dates are like planning her birthday party as we launch around her birthday.
     This year I need all volunteers to remember WHO we are honoring when we do this.  I don't mean Sarah as much as I mean God.  When we pass out a bag, we need to wish them God's blessings.

Sarah's Butterflies Kick-Off

    Sarah's Butterflies will have its annual kick-off on November 15, 2015.   The ministry of Sarah's Butterflies began as Sarah's Toybox in 2010.  We have distributed over 1,000 Blessing Bags and over 200 school supplies bags.
    The impact of the ministry is growing in ripples.  Each year we spread further from base to bless.  We are reaching souls for God.
     Come out with us on December 26th to help spread hope.  We will meet at Love Christian Center on the corner of Hamilton and Bond at 9:00 to sort, pack and distribute.

Faces of Loss

     A few years ago, I posted a story to Faces of Loss about Sarah's death.  I used a post from this blog and submitted it.
     A few months ago, they posted it and recently I was contacted about reading my story so that it can be an audio version.  I am going to do that this afternoon.
      I wrote that story in 2012 hoping to help some other family dealing with infant loss.  Sarah's death was sudden and unexpected.  None of us could have fathomed what November 15, 2009 held for us.  In one sense it was the end-the end of Sarah's life.  It was also the beginning-the beginning of her eternal life in Heaven.  It also signaled the start of making Sarah's life count.
     Sarah might have only lived for 3 days but those three days were packed with family loving on her.  She was photographed more times than some celebrities.  Sarah should be sleeping at home right now and getting up soon so that she can head off to Kindergarten but she is in Heaven with Jesus and she is safe.
       While Sarah is in Heaven and I am left to miss her, I choose to make the world a better place because Sarah Elisabeth Richardson lived here.

Blessings Abound on the Hope Tour

    The photos above show some of our 55 wonderful baggers in action.  We packed nearly 400 snack bags and 82 school supply bags.  We had  6 different churches represented yesterday.  The family of God came together to meet needs.  We distributed the bags yesterday and today.  Our convoy was 12 vehicles long at the start of distribution.  Today we had two vehicles in our convoy to deliver the final 50 bags.  Love abounded the last 2 days.  I have awesome friends and family who help me spread hope.

Ways to help us bless Farrell

     We will need lots of school supplies.  Right now, Wal-Mart and Staples both have sales on school supplies.
      Yesterday I spent $50.38 at Wal-Mart and got 40+ notebooks, 10 post-it pads, 36 boxes of crayons, 10 boxes of colored pencils, and few bags of pencils.
      If we are to give the children in Farrell and Sharon with much needed school supplies in December, we need more supplies.

Donations for Sarah's Toybox

    I realized I neglected to put the information about the foundation.  The Sarah's Butterflies Foundation is under the umbrella of the Community Foundation of Western PA and Eastern Ohio.  The address for the foundation is  Community Foundation of Western PA and Eastern Ohio; 7 West State Street Suite 301; Sharon, PA 16146.

   

Six months until Sarah's Toybox Blessing Bags Delivery

    Today I realized that six months from today in December 26, 2014. We will be going to Farrell and converging on Love Christian Center at the corner of Hamilton and Bond to sort items and then assemble to Blessing Bags. 
     After lunch, we will pack vehicles and form the Hope Caravan to distribute Blessing Bags.  I want us to aware of the hope we possess and share that hope with those we bless.
       If you or your church would like to participate in Sarah's Toybox collection or distribution (collect stuff or help us distribute bags), please contact me at ladybugchic1112@yahoo.com. 

Blessing Bag Bonanza---Jubilee Tour

     In sixteen short days, will be the Blessing Bag Bonanza where we love on Farrell and Sharon and spread God's hope. 
     The history behind Jubilee was that every fifty years, a year of freedom was declared.   Everything was freed...the land, the people.  The debts were cancelled. 
      I feel that is what God wants us to share.  That right now, as we prepare for the new year, that we stop and claim the freedom that salvation offers.  Freedom from condemnation. For some of the people we meet, it could freedom from despair, drugs, hopelessness. 
      I ask that you join me in spreading the year of Jubilee to Farrell and Sharon. 

Jubilee Tour 12.26.13

                Good morning, I want to announce that today we are launching the 2013 campaign
for Sarah’s Toybox.  Last week, in church,  we sang the song, “Days of Elijah.”  The
line…”this is the year of Jubilee” hit me hard.  That is what I want us to give the recipients of
the Blessing Bags.  I want to provide freedom from discouragement and hopelessness.
             At a dinner meeting this week, a donor asked how much it cost to make a blessing
bag.   The cost of making a Blessing Bag is roughly $6.            
             We are heading to new places and ministering to new individuals.  As you saw in an earlier post, we now have established a foundation which allows us to accept monetary donations.  Donations to the foundation are tax-deductible as are a 501c3 charitable organization.   
              We are going to Farrell and Sharon on December 26, 2013.  Come join us on the Jubilee Tour 12.26.13. 

God's timing and direction

     God controls all of the events in the world.  I say that because over the last three years, Sarah's Toybox has grown by leaps and bounds.    Three years ago, Sarah's Toybox distributed stuff to 38 families.  Two years, it was 100 bags and last year was nearly 300 blessing bags.  Our goal this year, 1,200 blessing bags.
      As for God's direction-I truly believe God has led us to where we could spread hope the most.  Two years ago, we traveled around Farrell and Sharon and Bruce delivered some to places we ran out of time to see. Last year, we began our day on Ravine Place in the projects.  We went to three different housing projects.  This year, if we have enough stuff, we will be going to two more places that we have not been able to go to in order to bless those in need.
      Also, God has guided some new individuals to become involved.  He has used dreams as of old to guide a new believer to help us.  He has also brought a man who is a minister in Farrell to become involved.  Lee has experience with Spanish-speakers so we can maybe expand to there or they can help us spread hope. 

Paperwork in hand

      I received an email from an employee of the Community Foundation of Western PA and Eastern Ohio that contained the necessary paperwork for establishing Sarah's Butterflies Foundation.  
      I have to say that four years ago when Sarah died, I never thought I would ever be able to do this foundation.  I had been reticent to do this because I thought it would be too hard and too expensive.  Neither is a real problem at this point.  If anything I think that God has orchestrated all that has transpired the last month. 
       In my possession I have a five-page document that will be sent on Monday to the Foundation board for them to process.  This will enable us to be legally able to accept donations. 
        Our mission statement is Sarah's Butterflies Foundation is a non-profit organization that is motivated by God's love to share hope with those who are discouraged.  We respect their dignity and seek to aid children in need through our love for Sarah Elisabeth by making a difference in the world for Jesus.  This foundation is in memory of Sarah Elisabeth Richardson. 

Sarah's Butterflies Foundation

      Early in the week last week, Jim and I found ourselves meeting with the chairman of the Shenango Valley Foundation about starting a foundation in Sarah's memory.  The process I will admit was a lot easier than I expected. 
      I have to write a mission statement/purpose.  I have researched some mission statements for organizations and looked at how to write one. 
      Our goal is to make spreading hope a lot easier.  The ministry is growing as I hoped it would.  Three years ago, my mother approached me about taking Sarah's Toybox to Farrell.  I was onboard immediately. 
        If you want to know why I get so excited about what we do with Sarah's Toybox, come with us in December. 
        In the next few months, the way to donate to the foundation will be made available.  Be praying for how you can be involved in spreading hope.

Perfect Peace

    Yesterday I was reading a chapter in a book I was given after Sarah died.  The author stated, "Your baby is in perfect peace with God."  Well if you know me at all, you know that Isaiah 26:3 is a verse I have clung to many times before and since Sarah's death., "He will hold in perfect peace those whose mind is steadfast on you."   I have claimed this promise of perfect peace for myself and yet to realize that Sarah is being held in perfect peace comforted me. 
     Sarah Elisabeth does not know hurt.   She is not afraid.  There are no monsters to rob her of rest.  She is in perfect eternal peace.   I think God had to give me time to work through my grief before He could allow me to realize this amazing reality. 
     Heavenly Father, thank You for Your perfect peace.  Thank You for holding me in Your perfect peace and thank You for holding Sarah Elisabeth in perfect peace with you in Heaven.  I am so glad that she is in the arms of You, Dear Jesus safe and secure from all alarm.  Thank You that I can rest there as well.  Amen.

Christmas Blessings and other thoughts

    On December 28 and 29th, we went to Farrell and Sharon to deliver Christmas Blessing bags to those in need.  We delivered 250 snack bags and roughly 50 school supply bags. 
     The snow delayed us by two days.  
      I want to thank everyone who bought supplies or came with us to deliver Christmas. 
      Each bag contained a note that said: 

Sarah's Toybox 

Our family wants to let you know that Jesus loves you and that He has the gift of salvation for all who ask.  This bag is a gift too.  It is a gift of hope that we came to possess after Sarah’s death. 

 

       Another thought going through my head are that over the weekend a young man living where we deliver blessing bags was shot to death.  He was a basketball player and he was a man full of potential according to his basketball coach.  I am a substitute teacher in the district and cannot say I remember him.  Which saddens me because I never got to know this child of God.  My thoughts and prayers go out to the family.  

  

Hope Tour 8.14.12

  We are going to deliver stuff to Farrell on Tuesday, August 14.  This is an all-day event.  Why?
1.  We need to load and unload the stuff from vehicles.
2.  We need to sort stuff to make sure the packages are nearly uniform.
3.  We need to pack vehicles to distribute.
4.   We need to spread hope and we have lots of people to bless.
5.   We want to give God time to work.

Wanna come?  Meet us either at Center Presbyterian Church @ 8 to help us load stuff.  If you live in the Shenango Valley and want to come, you can meet us Love Christian Center in Farrell around 10 AM where the fun begins. 

How can I help?

  Today I read I John 3:16-18 while having my God-time.  It struck me at how to prove we love, we have to act.  The verses state that if we have some material possession and withold it, we're not showing love to others.  I excuse myself a lot from acting because I lack money, time, talent.  God nudged me and said that He has given me time, talent, and funding and that I have to step out on faith and use it.
    My last blog post told about Sarah's Toybox.  I know people have asked how they can help?  You can help by praying for the kids.  You could buy a box of pop-tarts or the individual boxes of cereal (you know the mini boxes).  You can buy apple sauce, pudding or fruit snacks.  You can come with me in a few weeks and meet the kids and families.  I guarantee you will be blessed.  I don't promise that you won't come away feeling spoiled and challenged to be grateful.  The journey often chastens me to be grateful. 
     Choose today to make the world better.

Sarah's Toybox

    Have you ever done something and when you thought later you realized that you were blessed for being able to do it?  This past weekend, I spent three hours ministering at a friend's church for the Youth Appreciation Day.  I felt like the richest person for getting to meet young people.  I got to deliver a doll to a girl.  I got to wish a little 5-year old a happy birthday and sing to her.  I got to help another youngster with his necklace.  I truly felt like I was the mom to all the kids. 
   Have you ever found that what began as a painful experience became a blessing?  Thirty-two months ago, I railed at God about how I could not understand how Sarah's death could not harm me and how it could be for my best.  This past weekend, I finally understand a little more about how God can use this for my best. 
      When you bury a child, you are sent on a detour in your life.  At first the detour is so bumpy and painful and you think it will kill you.  As you navigate the detour, you learn to not be scared of the cliffs of grief and you learn to trust God for the next breath.  Sometimes the pain of grief is so great that you wonder how you will take the next breath or the next step.  You cry out to God and say, "I cannot do this anymore!"  Then and only then after you completely surrender do you have the strength to continue. You find that in being completely helpless, you have all the strength you need because God's strength is so much bigger than our own.
      I do not know where this road will lead me and that is okay.  It is like Garth Brooks' song "The Dance."  I am glad I did not know that Sarah's life was only for 3 days.  I would have missed the joy of her birth because I would have been dreading her death. I am glad I did not know the way it all was going to end because I would have been bitter-more than I was.  I like not having all the answers.  I am finding the joy in this journey is I meet parents who are grieving their own children.  I meet children whose lives are full of pain but who I can share hope and joy with because of my own blessings. 
      Oh and I thrive on making the world a better place.  I may not have the answers but I have the passion to make the world a better place for my daughter having been in it.  The kids I meet are someone's child.  God loves them and my heart's cry is to make them aware of His love and how much I love them. 
        I love the kids in Farrell.  I love their passion and their drive.  They face the world that is full of pain and heartbreak and they enrich my life so much. 
        

Sarah's Toybox-update

I spoke with my friend Dee this morning.  Kailee had taken a copy of the letter to her high school.  The only way for Sarah's Toybox to be at the school was for a group to do this.  The group heading this up is the Bible Club.  This week they are announcing it and next week they are collecting stuff.  Dee will bring the stuff to church on the 18th.  On the 26th, we deliver the food stuff.  If you are interested, email me at ladybugchic1112@yahoo.com.

Sarah's Toybox

For the second year we are going to fill Sarah's Toybox for the "least of these" in the community.  We will be collecting snack items for the same church in Farrell that we did last Christmas.  Last Christmas we blessed and were blessed by 38 families.   If you would like to partner with us or need more information, please contact me at ladybugchic@yahoo.com or comment below.